If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
