I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
