HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
