I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So many bounce houses so little time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
