I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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