happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
