is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
