I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
