I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i would punch a child for taco bell
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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