i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
