Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
