Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
