We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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