Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
