How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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