Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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