honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
