I want to have your abortion
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
