I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
