I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
