Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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