I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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