Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
