Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
