he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
