shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
