i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
