Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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