Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
