It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
