I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
