if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
