You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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