i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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