I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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