whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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