That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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