Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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