She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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