i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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