I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
