I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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