billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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