Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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