honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
