arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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