I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
