I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
