You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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