But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
