A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
