He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
