I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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