I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
